A Polish gentleman was walking through Krakow one afternoon, and found a curious object covered in dust and grime. As he was cleaning it, out popped a genie. “I am the Genie of the Lamp™. I will grant you 3 wishes. Choose wisely.” The gentleman asked, “3 wishes? Any 3 wishes?” “Yes, any 3 wishes …
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Category:humor
you can make anything online – even grave markers
Knock yourself out. http://www.tombstonebuilder.com http://www.customreceipt.com http://www.customweddingsign.com http://www.prescriptionmaker.com http://www.eyechartmaker.com http://www.customroadsign.com http://www.getamedal.com
david pogue’s 1996 mac holiday sing-along
Thanks, Archive.org! God Rest Ye Copland Programmers (to the tune of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”) God rest ye Copland programmers, It’s finally Christmas Day. You’ve all worked 20-hour shifts Beginning back in May. No wonder after such neglect Your spouses moved away. The last real meal you had Was late last year– That’s what …
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somewhere over the buffet
From the late, great John Pinnete (to the tune of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”) Somewhere over the buffet: Food piled high. There’s a meal I must get to, Stop me and you will die. Somewhere over the buffet: Watch me fly. Eating up all of the profits, Making the owner cry. Someday I’ll have my …
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welcome to laas technologies – purveyors of the latest paas techniques
Are your wigs in need of whitening? Do your dentures need to be dusted? Is your peg leg prematurely languishing? Do I have great news for you! Hello, and let me be the first to welcome you to LaaS Technologies. We are the true PaaS specialists – here to cater to your every whim and …
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how cold is it?
an oldy, but a goody An annotated thermometer (degrees Fahrenheit) +50 New York tenants turn on the heat Minnesotans plant gardens +40 Californians shiver uncontrollably Minnesotans sunbathe +35 Italian cars don’t start +32 Distilled water freezes +30 You can see your breath You plan a vacation in Florida Politicians begin to worry about the homeless …
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lobachevsky – by tom lehrer
{{Tom Lehrer}}, for those who don’t know, was a fantastic satirist and musical humorist in the 20th century. Lobachevsky is one of my favorites of his (YouTube edition): [spoken] For many years now, Mr. Danny Kaye, who has been my particular idol since childbirth, has been doing a routine about the great Russian director Stanislavsky and …
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pee-harmony, the original doggy forum
Have you ever noticed while walking a dog that they stop and sniff every tree, bush, and poo pile? And when two dogs come together, they sniff each other’s butts (a distinctly rude activity, if you ask me!) I have a theory – dogs sniff each other’s butts because they’ve sniffed the pee patches and …
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fact of the week
From the `fortune`-powered, motd on my server this morning: Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the month. According to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people are experiencing severe marketing anxiety in China. The words “Coca-Cola” translate into Chinese as either (depending on the inflection) “wax-fattened mare” or “bite the …
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whose phone is it, anyway?
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: Hello? WOMAN: Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club? MAN: Yep, sure am….. WOMAN: I’m …
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the. killer. business!
I’ve figured out what to do with the more than 6 billion people who will need to be buried after they’ve passed-on. And how to make a handsome profit on the whole operation, too. That’s right: subscription burials! Good morning, and welcome to DeathEx, your friendly, local, death experts. We provide a full-service, personalized, and …
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yes, i’m a dork
Certainly you’ve all seen Chuck Norris Facts. And some of you who may be on Stackoverflow have seen Jon Skeet Facts. But have you seen Bruce Schneier Facts? “The nuclear launch codes held by the President of the United States are secured by an unbreakable system: a plain brown envelope with a picture of Bruce …
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univacky
an oldy, but a goody… http://www.fourmilab.ch/documents/univac/univacky.html (For proper rhythm, the symbol “@” is pronounced “at” and “$” is pronounced “dollar”.) ‘Twas BRKPT and the I/O queue Was SYMMING FASTRAND like the wind. All idle was the CAU As the last run had just FINNED. “Beware the UNIVAC, my son, Its FASTRAND and its high-speed drum, …
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the planet is doing great!
Full transcript – again, Mr Carlin, you are missed. You got people like this around you? Country is full of them now! People walking around all day long, every minute of the day — worried about EVERYTHING! Worried about the air, worried about the water, worried about the soil. Worried about insecticides, pesticides, food additives, …
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retirement party
My goal is to retire by the end of the year. To make sure I reach that goal, I’m requesting donations from friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, and outright strangers. If you’d like to contribute to my retirement fund, please send me an email: retire@warrenmyers.com. Donations of any size are accepted, but I don’t give tax …
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an oldy…
…but a goody: HDTV explained!
perfect camoflage!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7190107.stm So, researchers have figured out how make a material that will absorb 99.9% of incoming light. So, does that mean you can only “see” it because you can’t see it? If it’s not reflecting any light, then you only think you see it, because you can’t actually “see” no light, you could only see …
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the strip club
Obviously I have too much free time in my head. Yesterday, while celebrating the end of my rather blasé database course, my friend Matt and I decided to go hit up Cook Out for milkshakes – and yes, I got my all-time favorite peanut butter mint 🙂 – and it dawned on us, through some …
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