{"id":3230,"date":"2017-11-08T12:58:33","date_gmt":"2017-11-08T17:58:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/antipaucity.com\/?p=3230"},"modified":"2017-11-08T12:58:33","modified_gmt":"2017-11-08T17:58:33","slug":"david-pogues-1996-mac-holiday-sing-along","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/?p=3230","title":{"rendered":"david pogue’s 1996 mac holiday sing-along"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thanks, Archive.org<\/a>!<\/p>\n

God Rest Ye Copland Programmers<\/h5>\n
(to the tune of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”)<\/h6>\n

God rest ye Copland programmers,
\nIt’s finally Christmas Day.
\nYou’ve all worked 20-hour shifts
\nBeginning back in May.
\nNo wonder after such neglect
\nYour spouses moved away.
\nThe last real meal you had
\nWas late last year–
\nThat’s what we hear;
\nAnd since then you’ve lived on
\nPizza, Coke, and beer.<\/p>\n

Your bosses change, and change their minds,
\nIs Copland off or on?
\nAre last week’s OS plans in place
\nOr now completely gone?
\nGod rest ye well this Christmas Day,
\nYou’d better sleep in late–
\nIt’s the last sleep you’ll get till ’98.
\nIsn’t that great?
\nIt’s the last day off you’ll have till ’98!<\/p>\n

The Bill Gates Song<\/h5>\n
(to the tune of “The Christmas Song”)<\/h6>\n

Netscape roasting on an open fire,
\nApple begging on its knees,
\nPhoto popping up on Time magazine,
\nYes, Bill Gates dreams of days like these!
\nEverybody knows he’s never fully satisfied,
\nThrows himself behind each task,
\nWorld dominion is his company’s goal.
\nWell, hey, is that so much to ask?
\nHe knows the world is in his sway,
\nWe’ll buy whatever software he might toss our way,
\nWe’ll surf his Internet, watch his TV,
\nHe’ll take us anywhere we ask him–for a fee.<\/p>\n

And so we’re offering this simple prayer,
\nTo Bill and all his MS grunts:
\nSince we all follow any standard you write,
\nMake it good, please,
\nMake it good, please,
\nMake it good, please, just once!<\/p>\n

Gil Amelio’s Coming to Town!<\/h5>\n
(to the tune of “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town”)<\/h6>\n

You better watch out,
\nAbsurd as it sounds,
\n‘Cause Apple’s about
\nTo lose a few pounds–
\nGil Amelio’s coming to town!<\/p>\n

He’s making a list,
\nAnd trimming the rolls
\nOf projects that missed
\nTheir revenue goals–
\nGil Amelio’s coming to town!
\nHe knows what’s losing money,
\nLike eWorld, PowerTalk . . .
\nYou’d better make your project work
\nOr prepare to take a walk!<\/p>\n

Though you follow his lead
\nRight out the back door,
\nYou know he’ll succeed–
\nHe’s done it before!
\nGil Amelio’s coming to town!<\/p>\n

Microsoft<\/h5>\n
(to the tune of “Jingle Bells”)<\/h6>\n

Nine-tenths of a gig,
\nBiggest ever seen,
\nGod, this program’s big–
\nMS Word 15!
\nComes on ten CDs,
\nAnd requires–damn!
\nWord is fine, but jeez–
\n60 megs of RAM?!<\/p>\n

Oh! Microsoft, Microsoft,
\nBloatware all the way!
\nI’ve sat here installing Word
\nSince breakfast yesterday!
\nOh! Microsoft, Microsoft,
\nModeration, please.
\nGuess you hadn’t noticed:
\nFour-gig drives don’t grow on trees!<\/p>\n

I’m Dreaming of a Clean System<\/h5>\n
(to the tune of “White Christmas”)<\/h6>\n

I’m dreaming of a clean System,
\nSomething that fits on one CD.
\nEach component matches,
\nNot bits and patches,
\nUnlike 7-5-point-3.
\nI’m longing for a dream System,
\nSmall, stable, fast, and trouble-free.
\nWhat we want, I think you’ll agree,
\nIs called System 6-point-oh-3!<\/p>\n

Violent Night<\/h5>\n
(to the tune of “Silent Night”)<\/h6>\n

Silent Mac, broken Mac!
\nSystem bombed, screen went black.
\nBooks suggested things; I tried ’em all:
\nShift key, desktop file, clean reinstall.
\nNow my deadline is tight,
\nThis Mac’s been silent all night.<\/p>\n

Violent night, horrible night!
\nLost my cool, filled with spite,
\nThrew my Mac through the balcony door
\nWatched it fall from the 20th floor,
\nNow I’m sleeping in peace;
\nThank God I had it on lease.<\/p>\n

Prove It’s So!<\/h5>\n
(to the tune of “Let It Snow”)<\/h6>\n

Oh, the papers say Apple’s dying,
\nBut before we start good-byeing,
\nWe should call them all up and go,
\n“Prove it’s so! Prove it’s so! Prove it’s so!”<\/p>\n

They say “Mac OS software’s scarcer.”
\nWe say, “Read those numbers, there, sir,
\nSales continued this year to grow.
\nThere ya go, there ya go, there ya go!”<\/p>\n

When they tell us Win 95
\nMade the Mac’s famed advantages ebb,
\nWe’ll say, “Why, then, do Macs now drive
\n60 percent of the Web?”<\/p>\n

We can win our PR reversal–
\nMake the Mac be universal–
\nThough we may have some years to go,
\nMake it so, make it so, make it so!<\/p>\n

Happily Addicted to the Web<\/h5>\n
(to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)<\/h6>\n

Doorbell rings, I’m not list’nin’,
\nFrom my mouth, drool is glist’nin’,
\nI’m happy–although
\nMy boss let me go–
\nHappily addicted to the Web.
\nAll night long, I sit clicking,
\nUnaware time is ticking,
\nThere’s beard on my cheek,
\nSame clothes for a week,
\nHappily addicted to the Web.<\/p>\n

Friends come by; they shake me,
\nSaying, “Yo, man!
\nDon’t you know tonight’s the senior prom?”
\nWith a listless shrug, I mutter, “No, man;
\nI just discovered letterman-dot-com!”<\/p>\n

I don’t phone, don’t send faxes,
\nDon’t go out, don’t pay taxes,
\nWho cares if someday
\nThey drag me away?
\nI’m happily addicted to the Web!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thanks, Archive.org! God Rest Ye Copland Programmers (to the tune of “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”) God rest ye Copland programmers, It’s finally Christmas Day. You’ve all worked 20-hour shifts Beginning back in May. No wonder after such neglect Your spouses moved away. The last real meal you had Was late last year– That’s what …
Continue reading david pogue’s 1996 mac holiday sing-along<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_hide_featured_image":false,"_jetpack_featured_image_duplicate_dismissed":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[21,37,39],"tags":[50,225,378,458,579,682],"keyring_services":[],"class_list":["post-3230","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor","category-reprint","category-satire","tag-50","tag-david","tag-holiday","tag-mac","tag-pogues","tag-singalong"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3230","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3230"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3230\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3230"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3230"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3230"},{"taxonomy":"keyring_services","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fkeyring_services&post=3230"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}