{"id":2433,"date":"2014-08-04T14:58:31","date_gmt":"2014-08-04T18:58:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/antipaucity.com\/?p=2433"},"modified":"2014-08-04T14:58:31","modified_gmt":"2014-08-04T18:58:31","slug":"how-cold-is-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/merikebi.warrenmyers.com\/?p=2433","title":{"rendered":"how cold is it?"},"content":{"rendered":"

an oldy, but a goody<\/sub><\/sup><\/p>\n

\n

An annotated thermometer (degrees Fahrenheit)<\/p>\n

+50
\nNew York tenants turn on the heat
\nMinnesotans plant gardens<\/p>\n

+40
\nCalifornians shiver uncontrollably
\nMinnesotans sunbathe<\/p>\n

+35
\nItalian cars don’t start<\/p>\n

+32
\nDistilled water freezes<\/p>\n

+30
\nYou can see your breath
\nYou plan a vacation in Florida
\nPoliticians begin to worry about the homeless
\nMinnesotans eat ice cream<\/p>\n

+25
\nBoston water freezes
\nCalifornians weep pitiably
\nCat insists on sleeping on your bed with you<\/p>\n

+20
\nCleveland water freezes
\nSan Franciscans start thinking favorably of LA
\nMinnesota Vikings fans put on T-shirts—-YEAH!!!<\/p>\n

+15
\nYou plan a vacation in CANCUN!!!!!
\nMinnesotans go swimming<\/p>\n

+10
\nPoliticians begin to talk about the homeless
\nToo cold to snow
\nYou need jumper cables to get the car going<\/p>\n

0
\nNew York landlords turn on the heat<\/p>\n

-5
\nYou can hear your breath
\nYou plan a vacation in Hawaii<\/p>\n

-10
\nAmerican cars don’t start
\nToo cold to skate<\/p>\n

-15
\nYou can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
\nMiamians cease to exist
\nMinnesotans lick flagpoles<\/p>\n

-20
\nCat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
\nPoliticians actually do something about the homeless
\nPeople in Duluth think about taking down screens<\/p>\n

-25
\nToo cold to kiss
\nYou need jumper cables to get the driver going
\nJapanese cars don’t start
\nMinnesota Twins head for spring training<\/p>\n

-30
\nYou plan a two-week hot bath
\nMinnesotans shovel snow off roof<\/p>\n

-38
\nMercury freezes
\nToo cold to think
\nMinnesotans button top button<\/p>\n

-40
\nCalifornians disappear
\nCar insists on sleeping in your bed with you
\nMinnesotans put on sweaters<\/p>\n

-50
\nCongressional hot air freezes
\nAlaskans close the bathroom window
\nTwo Harbors Minnesota Agates practice indoors<\/p>\n

-60
\nWalruses abandon Aleutians
\nMinnesotans put gloves away, take out mittens
\nBoy Scouts in Two Harbors Minnesota start Klondike Derby<\/p>\n

-70
\nMinneapolis residents replace diving boards with hockey nets
\nRidgeway snowmobilers organize trans-river race to Buffalo,WI
\nLackore Boys start to complain while working on snowmobiles<\/p>\n

-80
\nPolar bears abandon Baffin Island
\nGirl Scouts in Two Harbors Minnesota start Klondike Derby<\/p>\n

-90
\nLawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles
\nWisconsinites migrate to Minnesota thinking it MUST be warmer<\/p>\n

-100
\nSanta Claus abandons North Pole
\nMinnesotans pull down earflaps<\/p>\n

-173
\nEthyl alcohol freezes
\nThe University of Minnesota (Twin Cities Campus) closes<\/p>\n

-445
\nSuperconductivity
\nLackore Boys quit working on snowmobiles.<\/p>\n

-452
\nHelium becomes a liquid<\/p>\n

-454
\nHell freezes over<\/p>\n

-456
\nIllinois drivers drop below 85 MPH on I-90<\/p>\n

-458
\nIncumbent politician renounces a campaign contribution<\/p>\n

-460 (Absolute Zero)
\nAll atomic motion ceases
\nThe University of Minnesota-Duluth is closed
\nMinnesotans alert us as to how it’s getting a mite nippy<\/p>\n

\n

refound here<\/a><\/sub><\/sup><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

an oldy, but a goody An annotated thermometer (degrees Fahrenheit) +50 New York tenants turn on the heat Minnesotans plant gardens +40 Californians shiver uncontrollably Minnesotans sunbathe +35 Italian cars don’t start +32 Distilled water freezes +30 You can see your breath You plan a vacation in Florida Politicians begin to worry about the homeless …
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